I have a coworker that I simply cannot stand. We'll call him Doug. It's hard to know where to start when it comes to describing Doug, but I'll try.
For starters, there is Doug's hygiene. Before I started with the company, they were operating out of a much smaller workspace, and from what I hear, the guy who sat next to Doug actually had to go a supervisor and talk to him about how bad Doug smelled, between the B.O. and the farting. Now we're in a bigger office, but even so, the two people who sit closest to him keep fans on their desks to redirect the smell. I could not make this up.
He has long hair that is washed approximately once a week, from the looks of it. It's always pulled back in a greasy ponytail. His chair and his keyboard are literally coated in dandruff. I looked at his keyboard one day and couldn't believe it. He doesn't shave often enough, so he's always got major stubble, and his fingernails are black underneath from dirt. He's also probably a good 100 pounds overweight, which is his own choice and not really my problem in and of itself, but his clothing does not fit. He's got an enormous gut, and his button down shirts gape in the front and expose it. He also chooses to wear his pants under the gut, rather than over it, which results in dangerously low-riding pants and glimpses of his ass crack way more often than I care to think about. I just find it hard to believe, and a little sad, that someone has so little concern for hygiene and appearances.
However, even beyond all the hygiene stuff, Doug has the worst personality of anyone I have ever met. Everything is negative, everything is pessimistic, everyone is out to screw him, everything must be complained about. There's practically a dark cloud hanging over his cubicle because everything in the world is just so HORRIBLE all the time. Plus, he can't stand being left out of anything, so he eavesdrops on every conversation within earshot and if he has something to add, he jumps in, totally uninvited. It makes people not want to come and talk to me (I sit near him) because they know they'll end up having to endure whatever Doug'd stupid opinion on the subject at hand is. He's also completely lazy and tries to pass work off onto other people at every opportunity. BUT, if he is asked to help out a coworker who's behind, forget it. He acts totally put out and annoyed and acts like some kind of martyr who has SO MUCH WORK PILED ON HIM ALL THE TIME BOO HOO.
Amazingly, this guy is married, so if nothing else, let this story give you hope that no matter what is wrong with you, someone will marry you. Trust me - if someone voluntarily married Doug, you could have three heads and someone will marry you.
I cannot stand Doug. The end.
(Posted by AN)
I feel your pain. I too have a disgusting co-worker; let's call her "Ellie".
I should be thankful that there is at least a low cubicle wall separating her head from mine; if there weren't, I'd have to quit my job.
Other employees clued me in that she doesn't shower daily, so I keep my distance. She's a closet smoker, and eats greasy food all day long, starting with steak and egg sandwiches in the morning. So all day, she's loudly coughing up grossness. She gets a sneeze attack 3-4 times a day, and she's one of those "serial" sneezers - cachoocachoocachoocachoo (times 8) in a row. Then she has to sniff and snort and clear her throat and cough - repeat - again and again throughout the day.
She drinks coffee the entire 8 hours; people bring in their own special blends to brew, and she steals it. They yell at her and tell her she's a greedy, selfish theif, and she just laughs. Speaking of that, each time she says something ridiculous or offensive (which is every word that comes out of her mouth), she laughs a cackling laugh like "cluckcluckcluck" - to laugh it off in an attempt to get away with it. This includes racist comments and other uneducated remarks. Back to the coffee. She keeps her filthy mug at her desk, fills it every 30 minutes and drinks with the loudest, most gutteral "gulp" you have ever heard - when finished gulping, she slams the cup down on the desk HARD.
She doesn't breathe normally - she holds each breath for awhile, then lets it out in a big, groaning "sigh" as if to say, "I'm so overworked, I'm so busy, woe is me" - with EVERY breath. How can one breathe like that??
All this is so distracting! But the gross noises (and her ugly appearance - fat with wiry gray and black hair, garage sale clothes, plus her mumbling, grouchy voice) are not the worst of it:
She's a Clay Aiken fan. She spends 90% of the day yammering about Clay Aiken to people on the phone, the Web, and to their face (when they're unfortunate enough to get near her). She posts pictures of his grossness all over her cube (keep in mind, this woman is in her mid 50's). To top it all off, she runs a business out of her desk - Clay Aiken collectibles; she uses the company computer, mail service and desk (as storage space) to trade and ship/receive collectibles and money.
So, the company pays her to do her job, which she constantly says she's too busy to do by the way (grouchily, mumbling) but she has all day to focus on her Clay Aiken obsession and run a business on company time.
I think that's all - I hate her more than you hate "Doug".