Would This Happen At One Of Jonathan Antin's Salons?

About a year into working with her, my closest friend at the shop had completely lost it with her demanding/loud/rude bullshit. We were short staffed at the shampoo bowls because guess who had called out...elbows deep in shampoo rinising out a highlight &two timers in her pockets for other chemicals about to be finished Ms. Bitchface is insisting she take out her client's perm--she explained that she was very busy with other clients, we both were, so she started huffing and puffing to which my friend replied "So why don't you do it yourself?"...I wind up doing it between neutralizing a perm. An hour or so later the owner comes in and I see her run up to him, they go to the back room, he comes out and calls the assistant in...five minutes late she's coming out of the office and it takes her about a milasecond to get across the shop and in the sylist's face, an all out no hold barred shouting match ensues complete with hands in the face [mind you, it's about noon and there are probably 15-20 clients being serviced at the time], lots of the "b" word, them being held back as not to physically attack each other, and ends in my good friend being escorted out...I cried pretty much the entire rest of the day because I wanted to just quit--walk out, but I knew I'd never be able to pay my bills with my morals alone. He came out to try and console me and I told him how truely shitty it was that one of his best employees was just fired and two of his worst were still there, of course he pretended to care, but ll he really hears is the rustle of the cash he's couting in his head.

I won't bother going into detail about the revolving staff of receptionists we had. Some key points though were the coke head that spent more time in the bathroom &in her car than at the desk. The drunk. The numerous girls that just stopped showing up. &of course the one who we have come to refer to only as "Cow".

Cow was actually a stylist who had worked in the mall (ewww, mall salons!), of course she had no book (steady clients) and took a job as our receptionist, it was however promised to her that she could also be on the floor on her days off to do hair. You have to see her, really. Not but like an inch over three feet...maybe pushing like 190-205lbs. Head (pretty much bald--short tufts of reddish hair matted here and there) way too small for her body. Her ass literally looks like a beanbag chair. Infact...she slightly resembles an acorn. She inststed on coving her body in ill-fitting home made clothes--mostly leopard prints. Hiedous nasal voice, heavy New Jersey accent-- we had an intercom at the desk to annouce clients--this became more painful by the day with her shrill [CAW CAW] awful seagul sounding voice echoing through the salon. This woman was pushing, I'd say...late 50's, would constantly brag to the girls about how she went to the bar over the weekend and "picked up a hot 20 year old after like 5 manhatans &how we should all be jealous (jealous that she was a post-menopausal whorebag? no thnx) Absolutely no one could stand her. There would be daily conflict between her and EVERYONE. The assistants in particular started getting serious about making her quit. Whenever she actully had a client which was once in a blue moon she's be very demanding, impatiant and snappy to the assistants--bad idea. Just like you should mind you manners towards the people serving your food in a restaraunt..mind you manners towards the girls who handle your few and far between customers, your station, your laundry...So maybe we would prank call her at like 3 in the morning and moo into the phone on our way home from the club. And maybe we drew funny pictures of cows and taped them to the walls in the back room. We might've even glued hair to her station &left open packets of mayonaise under it. Apparently someone egged her car. &her cellphone might've been missplaced...out a car window going down 695. But honestly, this woman is atrocious. I really can't feel bad. She was such a bitch. She still works there, unfortantely for my few friends that stayed behind...but of course I make it a point to ruin her day when I come to visit..because really, I can just tell--the look on her face when I walk in the door. Priceless.

Then of course there are the clients. The shop itself is just a big melting pot. You've got your upscale set, the one's that come in with their annoying little dogs &when you are putting color on their hair or shampooing them you can feel/see the scars from all their face lifts. Your trashy set that usually tips better than the wealthier. The regulars you love &come to know as family &the regulars you see penciled in at 2:00 and yell "NOT IT". We had the sweethearts that would come in multiple times a week or one specific day every week for shampoos &roller sets that treated you like their grand children. Then the crazies..too many to really try and explain - this is already the longest post, like, ever. The one to mention here would be Penny. Penny was an attorney, don't ask me how. She'd always come in dressed in some very classic Chanel pieces, skirt &jacket, flats, briefcase, Louis Vuitton bag. Her skin was almost see through, it had this bizzare reflective look--from all the chemical peels and plastic surgery. She would have her hair colored the same blonde every time...only after insisting that her stylist (poor guy) put in highlights and lowlights, auburn low lights...halfway through she'd change her mind, she wanted it blonde, the same blonde, just blonde. The first (&only) time I shampooed her I had a panic attack because she is so overwhelming. She will insist that you raise the chair as high as it can possibly go (she said to one girl, "put it up higher, pump it up higher! HIGHER! LIKE A RACE HORSE!" she will have you put booster cushions on the seat even though she's about 5'9"...then as you're rinising she tells you not to get her hair wet (hello?) don't rinse it all out (umm but there's bleach in your hair...) after about five minutes of her TELLING YOU how to shampoo her hair she begins reaching into the bowl and trying to do it herself, trying to grab the hose from you. &Each time she'd get a celophane treatment...which you're supposed to rinse out; oh no, she would sit under the dryer (you're supposed to - for 15/20 minutes) for HOURS and then leave with it in. If her appointment was at, say, 1pm...she'd be there until we closed. We'd never give her our real names; she knew us as "Princess" and "Star" and all kinds of crazy things and she'd go Oh, that's such a beautiful name &ramble on about it four hours and hours. You really just couldn't understand unless you were there to see this woman, but seriously, she was INSANE.

Aside from the few douchebag co-workers &awful clients that was probably the best job I've ever had. I made peanuts hourly but I'd make bank in tips. &The girls I worked with, they were my second family. When we weren't dealing with psycho customers we were gluing magazine cut-outs &pictures of everything from Prada ads to obscene pictures of robot penises to the walls in the back room/laundry area where we'd hang out. We had one particular wall that was nothing but pictures of hairless cats. &one that was all funny drawings of Cow ("are these supposed to be about me?!"). We'd have all kinds of special days with food and treats...&sangria... in the backroom. I can clearly recall throwing pumpkins off the back steps. Spraying the fire extinguisher to see what would happen...(lucky for everyone b/c it had expired &needed to be recharged and I doubt it would've been if I hadn't broken the old one)...Basically, anything you felt like doing--you did it at Patty's.

I wound up leaving this March after realizing that it was a really fun job for the most part but that was about it. I knew I no longer wanted to persue my apprenticeship, it was just a matter of giving up what was so comfortable &easy for me. Everyone (except Cow) was pretty upset to see me leave but it came down to the fact that PennyPinchinPatty refused to raise my hourly wage past what was just above minimum wage even though I had taken on numerous extra responsibilities and become pretty much a personal assistant to him.

I still go in and visit -- and get my hair done for free.
The sad part is when I started it really was a Top Salon, unfortunately, there was so much drama &a lot of people left when one of the stylists opened her own shop that business is slow &there are a lot of new people (&he kind of has a habit of hiring people without much of a following/experience). It's definitely gone downhill and I'm glad I got out while it was still just a fun job.

Now I'm working as a receptionist for a corporate office, very different pace. It took months just to get used to, like, sitting all day. But obviously it's a pretty sweet deal...since I sat here &typed this up all day:)

...So next time you go get your hair done you'll know a little bit about what goes on in the backroom. Oh, &that it doesn't matter what color the person washing your effing hair is.

(Posted by L)