Results tagged “Annoying Habits” from Job Swill

About 8 years ago, when I was a young 22 year old newlywed, I took a job at a small medical distributor. The three partners "retired"(READ division closed) from THE major international manufacturer of OTC drugs and first aid supplies and took one of their products with them (as a golden parachute) and formed this new company. 2 of the partners were "silent" (took a paycheck but weren't actively involved in the day-to-day business decisions) and the other 1 who I refer to as Jabba was the active partner (he got a much larger paycheck! I worked in the accounting department...)

First, Jabba turned out to be a major league drunk (drinking from sun up to sun down, even a stash in his desk) and massive eater of garlic. Second, Jabba was married to the Snow Queen aka White Witch of the North (in the Chronicles of Narnia fashion). While Jabba was busy being drunk and eating garlic, the evil Snow Queen was making all of the decisions. There was a 3rd person in the relationship- an odd little Goth chic who was the same age as me but was married to a transvestite and had a 6 year old daughter. Little Goth Chic was the Snow Queens clone physically and I imagine that she was involved sexually somehow with Jabba & SQ because she literally missed 60 days of work in one year and they didn't think a thing of it (for no other reason than hangovers!)...meanwhile if I was out one day all hell broke loose.

My 40 year old female co-worker talks in baby talk all day long. Instead of getting up from her desk and walking over to someone, she lets her voice carry thoughout the office (in baby talk) distracting all of the other co-workers. When she leaves the office for meetings, she calls me from her mobile phone to ask "Do you mish me?" It's even worse when she is in a bad mood and does not speak in baby talk-instead its a very creepy monotone/blank stare.

(Posted by Anonymous)

I hate my co-worker because he uses the term "broads" when referring to the women he dates. I especially hate him when he chooses to spout said term while reaching over (invariably for a donut), revealing why we've taken to calling him, "The Crack Attack."

Now, I could try to explain how his cologne makes me shudder, or why I cringe when he pops his gum and then shoots me the "finger guns." And I could talk about that time he bought our boss a copy of "The Banger Sisters" for her birthday, and then went on to describe how she could watch it when she's feeling "all psycho, you know, during that time of the month." Yes, nothing would bring me more bitchy glee than to discuss his shortcomings. But I fear I haven't the space nor the words to adequately express my hate.

Why I hate my co-workers? Because I'm tired of cleaning up their messes after the come in the next day hung over. I hate it when the "forget" how to do payroll and the fuck it up so much, we get charged for the mistake. I hate my co-workers because they drink in the office while I'm working on cleaning up their messes. I hate them and their fake attitudes. Bull shit your sorry!

I deal with this day in and day out and no matter what I do, I'm the whipping girl.

(Posted by Anonymous)

1. Every day at 10:00 comes to his desk, which is right next mine (we don't even have a cubicle wall separating us), with a can of Coke and a bag of chips--Dorriots, pork rinds, funyuns, or fritos. He then loudly slurps his Coke--slurp slurp slurp and then crunches down on his chips with his mouth open so I can hear every crunch happening in his mouth. Then to top it all off he burps, constantly and loudly until 10:15 AM when his morning break is over. The sound of the burping are the loud long ones, the kinds that one does in the privacy of one's home. Finally, to make it better, the office smells like burped up pork rinds, dorritos, funyuns.

2. He steals chairs! Yes, he does. His previous work chair was a bit disgusting, to say the least. Our chairs at work our burgundy, but his was such a dull burgundy color. It had these stains all over them and if you sat in his chair it sort of leaned forward so you felt like you were going to fall off. His chair was definitely recognizable--the only one in the office that looked so weird and gross. One day we get to work and my other office mate notices that her chair looks different. Her chair used to be a bright burgundy, now it is dull with stains and slopes forwards. Seemed a bit coincidental, so we go to "Allen's" desk and see that his gross chair is no longer there and his chair is, all of a sudden, bright and burgundy. Methinks that someone swapped chairs without saying anything. When confronted, he played dumb, like we didn't know.

How I hate pretentious people! Working as a temp, I imagine that its par for course to have to work with people that think they're better than you- luckily for me, most of my experiences haven't been that bad. Until this week.

First of all, let me describe the office I'm working in. It's a financial office (don't ask me what exactly they do I couldn't tell you) and as such, there's a secure key-card entry door. EVERYBODY has a key card- even I get a key card, but why is it that the whole company is lazy??? Besides being a receptionist, I'm also a glorified doorman thanks to a little button I have under my desk that unlocks the door. I have do my reception-ing duties as well as keep a sharp eye for people walking up to the door (who work here and all have cards) so I can press the button to save them the 3 steps it takes to swipe the card. God forbid I'm looking down or something or I'll get one of 3 things: 1) The Irritated expression (Oh-my-God-I-have-to-reach-into-my-pocket-find-my-card-and-walk-over-and-swipe-it); 2)The Bemused expression (I'm-confused-why-isn't-the-door-open?) or my personal favourite; 3)The tap on the glass door (Hello-look-up-please-and-see-me-standing-here). Either that or I'll get a combination of the three (#1 and #3 together are sooo obnoxious).

I just think in general office workers are lazy. They sit for most of the day and when they actually walk around the thought of adding a few extra steps to swipe their card is apparently abhorrent. Of course I'm an office worker now too- but look at me! I'm writing this blog AT WORK!!! Laziness is a disease and it's spreading. When I first started doing this work, I was so eager to find things to do. Coming from a retail environment (as a merchandiser) I was used to a frenetic pace of work. Working in an office is completely different. Here, everyone is so used to having things done for them. Coffee that magically appears (me), a dishwasher lest they soil their hands (I load it), and a magical fridge that never runs out of tasty drinks (I restock it ) etc. Now, I've almost become one of them. I surf the internet all day, read the newspaper a little bit, check my mail and basically do nothing. I pretend to want more work in order to 'seem' eager, but in reality I'm happy getting paid to do nil. I tell you, it's a disease.

I have never met a more loathsome, disgusting or annoying person than my boss. He's the CEO of a very small commercial real estate company in Sacramento, and there are only about 6 of us in the office. I've been here for 2.5 years as his "executive assistant" which is basically just a glorified word processor and personal shopper.

He is 40 years old and he does not know how to operate a computer. He refuses to learn anything, so I print off all his emails (they come into my Inbox), and give them to him, and he handwrites his responses on them and returns them to me to type. He dictates all his emails, letters, faxes, memos, leases, purchase agreements, everything on tapes which he also belches on, slurps his drinks and smacks while eating or sucking on candy. He calls employees at all hours - for example, he's called me on weekends to ask where his favorite pen was, how to turn the computer on and plug in his iPod to charge it, and if I sent a certain email to so-and-so. He called me once when I traveled cross country to attend a funeral to ask me to bring nectarines into the office when I returned. He has me order everything online for him from underwear to socks to Viagra to plants for his many, many whorish women. Everyone seems to think he's gay but yet he manages to hook up with all these slutty women who only want him for his money (he's got huge ears, beady eyes and greasy skin). He truly is very socially awkward and tries making jokes that are at about a 3rd grade level, such as yesterday when my back hurt he said "If I kick you in the shin will it help?" Who says that?

Furthermore, we have a revolving staff of receptionists because they can each only take the belittling, degrading treatment from him for so long. I've hung in there for the money, but thank God, my last day is in 2 weeks. He makes his personal life known, as if ANYONE cares, such as last year when he knocked up a girl and then dumped her when she wouldn't get an abortion. One day I came in and had to type up his child support agreement. He has me email all his sluts with things like "Candy Shorts, when will I see you? Let's have a threesome next weekend. Bring the 'party favors.'" No, I'm not kidding.

Hi. I have a co-worker that makes my job a living hell. I hate him. I honestly do. I work for a firm that usually hires one person fresh out of college each year. This year my boss hired a new guy. We will call him "Timmy". Timmy has got to be the dumbest guy I have ever come into contact with. First things first. Timmy has a stuttering/mumbling problem. I cannot understand what he is saying. Ever. And its not just me. We have started calling him "re-run" behind his back, because when we says something, the person he is talking to will say "what?" or "huh?", and then Timmy will have to repeat what he just said.

Also, our job is 75% computer related. Guess what? Timmy cannot type. At all. You put him in front of a computer, and it will take him up to 2 minutes to type a single sentence. To further piss me off. Timmy has joked about this by saying "guess I should have taken a typing class instead of a bowling class in college". This makes my blood boil. I didn't even know you could graduate from college not knowing how to type! Furthermore, Timmy is one of those people, who when I am working on a project will come over, lean on your desk, and STATE THE OBVIOUS about any task at hand. THIS KILLS ME! For instance, if I am typing on my computer, he will come over and say "Hey bud, what you doing there? Typing?". I mean...give me a break. I really hate him. And I'm thinking about changing jobs, just because I hate him so much.

Thanks for letting me get this off my chest.

(Posted by Will)

I am ashamed to admit that while I have my Master's degree, I spend 8 hours a day sharing a 1/2 cubicle with the world's most aggregating co-worker. That's right - 1/2 cubicle, not even a whole one.

My working days start off at 7:50 am a 20 minute serenade of her slurping her coffee, followed by the downing of her first bag of hoops (a sort of stinky corn-nut / ring ding chip). This is mixed in with the latest news of her children's potty training stories - apparently these kids are not toilet trained at 2 and 4 years old.

Luckily for me, her husband - who is 10 years younger than her and barely over the age of 24, just was released 2 weeks early from rehab, where he was curing himself of a cocaine addiction. Amazingly, he beat this habit in 2 weeks and was released early - he found God, so now they are religious. As he is not "able" to work, I get to hear about how she chose to buy live mice (that's right, you read correctly) for their pet boa constrictor, dog food for the bison frische dog and crickets for their dragon lizard, in lieu of fresh fruit for the kids. She truly believes that fruit roll ups are a good substitute.

So when I am not hearing about hubby's rehab or the irritating habits of her offspring, I can listen to her crack every joint in her body. She speaks in this hushed whisper and love to lean in close to you. My skin crawls when this happens but I cannot escape - she blocks the opening of our cubicle and I am literally trapped listening. Two weeks ago I actually yelled at her to stop telling me a story about how her one kid made four accidents that morning so she had to change - even the yelling did not deter her. She would do well as a telemarketer.

I do not simply hate my co-worker Tom, I loathe him. We work in a bank together and he seems to think it's funny to make my life a living hell. Although we are the same age, he will actually revert back to grade school and say things to our manager like "Who do you like better, me or Becky?" He also loves to talk about how much of a bonus payout he gets from referring friends to the bank to open checking accounts. He makes it seem like the bank would be nothing without him bringing in business, but what's truly funny is, his friends close their accounts within two weeks.

On top of this, Tom burps in our faces, makes fun of the way people look (apparently I look too skinny and probably throw up all my meals or don't eat at all, according to him) and calls myself and the other women "stupid fucking morons" behind our backs. Once when I was helping a customer, Tom stepped in, called a banker and take them from me in order to get referral points-even though it wasn't his customer and he had one of his own.

He also loves to call me a racist and tells everyone I hate Mexicans (he is Mexican) even though I am friends with the other Mexican people who work there. He claims I am a Nazi who wants to kill his people, despite the fact that I am made up of mixed race myself and get along fine with my other co-workers. He has even once talked to me about how ignorant I am for not speaking Polish and how I need lessons in speaking my "native language", then was unable to pronounce my last name...which is actually a common polish surname where I live. He also likes getting in my way, poking me, and crying out that I've infected him with my germs, and sitting at my favorite spot...simply because he knows I love to sit there and for no reason other than that. That's ok though, because as soon as I put my two weeks notice in, I'm speed dialing HR and I'll give him a firing to remember!

This is what I deal with everyday and somehow, either by the pure grace of God or by his sick sense of humor (depending on how you see it), I haven't lost my mind. My story is not about a lowly co-worker, but the president of the small company I work for. Let's call him... Douche bag Don. DD inherited the company from his father (who closely resembles/sounds/acts like a child molester) although he has no experience in the field whatsoever. DD still lives in the 80s and even has Glamour Shots of his wife (who he met when he was still an employee under his father and she was the receptionist. They were both married. Infidelity ensued and now they're married).

He constantly blames me for things I haven't done. On one particularly bad occasion, he called me into his office, closed the door, let me know "the walls are thin," and demanded that I stop talking about our temp receptionist. Needless to say, I sat mouth agape because I had never said a word about her. I tried to defend myself but he wouldn't have it. He let me know that I was depressing my co-workers and bringing everyone down. He ended with, "If someone isn't happy, they should leave." Pause. "If someone wants to leave, they should. Do you understand?" Out of principle alone, I haven't left.

DD is confident and cocky for all of the wrong reasons. He has a tendency to walk into offices, unannounced, stand and stare for 10 or 15 seconds at a time, and walk out without saying a word. He clicks his tongue on the roof of his mouth when he's "thinking." He has gone through employees' trash cans. He wears flannel shirts tucked into jeans with white high-top sneakers. DD is going to be the death of me.

Back to work!