Results tagged “Clueless” from Job Swill

I have never met a more loathsome, disgusting or annoying person than my boss. He's the CEO of a very small commercial real estate company in Sacramento, and there are only about 6 of us in the office. I've been here for 2.5 years as his "executive assistant" which is basically just a glorified word processor and personal shopper.

He is 40 years old and he does not know how to operate a computer. He refuses to learn anything, so I print off all his emails (they come into my Inbox), and give them to him, and he handwrites his responses on them and returns them to me to type. He dictates all his emails, letters, faxes, memos, leases, purchase agreements, everything on tapes which he also belches on, slurps his drinks and smacks while eating or sucking on candy. He calls employees at all hours - for example, he's called me on weekends to ask where his favorite pen was, how to turn the computer on and plug in his iPod to charge it, and if I sent a certain email to so-and-so. He called me once when I traveled cross country to attend a funeral to ask me to bring nectarines into the office when I returned. He has me order everything online for him from underwear to socks to Viagra to plants for his many, many whorish women. Everyone seems to think he's gay but yet he manages to hook up with all these slutty women who only want him for his money (he's got huge ears, beady eyes and greasy skin). He truly is very socially awkward and tries making jokes that are at about a 3rd grade level, such as yesterday when my back hurt he said "If I kick you in the shin will it help?" Who says that?

Furthermore, we have a revolving staff of receptionists because they can each only take the belittling, degrading treatment from him for so long. I've hung in there for the money, but thank God, my last day is in 2 weeks. He makes his personal life known, as if ANYONE cares, such as last year when he knocked up a girl and then dumped her when she wouldn't get an abortion. One day I came in and had to type up his child support agreement. He has me email all his sluts with things like "Candy Shorts, when will I see you? Let's have a threesome next weekend. Bring the 'party favors.'" No, I'm not kidding.

This is what I deal with everyday and somehow, either by the pure grace of God or by his sick sense of humor (depending on how you see it), I haven't lost my mind. My story is not about a lowly co-worker, but the president of the small company I work for. Let's call him... Douche bag Don. DD inherited the company from his father (who closely resembles/sounds/acts like a child molester) although he has no experience in the field whatsoever. DD still lives in the 80s and even has Glamour Shots of his wife (who he met when he was still an employee under his father and she was the receptionist. They were both married. Infidelity ensued and now they're married).

He constantly blames me for things I haven't done. On one particularly bad occasion, he called me into his office, closed the door, let me know "the walls are thin," and demanded that I stop talking about our temp receptionist. Needless to say, I sat mouth agape because I had never said a word about her. I tried to defend myself but he wouldn't have it. He let me know that I was depressing my co-workers and bringing everyone down. He ended with, "If someone isn't happy, they should leave." Pause. "If someone wants to leave, they should. Do you understand?" Out of principle alone, I haven't left.

DD is confident and cocky for all of the wrong reasons. He has a tendency to walk into offices, unannounced, stand and stare for 10 or 15 seconds at a time, and walk out without saying a word. He clicks his tongue on the roof of his mouth when he's "thinking." He has gone through employees' trash cans. He wears flannel shirts tucked into jeans with white high-top sneakers. DD is going to be the death of me.

Back to work!