Results tagged “Personality” from Job Swill

I hate my co-worker CW. He is the IT Guy and makes sure EVERYONE knows how much smarter he is then everyone else. He calls me trailer trash because I don't know how to use DOS. Who the fuck uses DOS anymore! Strange thing is that his house is two blocks from my house and we live no where near a trailer park or a trailer whatsoever. He never makes eye contact when he talks to you either; he always looks over you; like he's looking at the person behind you. If you don't bow down to his incredible genius he calls you names like "poopyhead"! He even said once to me, "I know you are but what am I" then he stomped off and locked himself in his office. You could see him on the surveillance monitor in there rocking back and forth with a frown on his face. We all stood there and laughed our asses off at him.

If one of the employees here is having problems at home, maybe divorce is impending. He makes sure to soften the blow by telling the person that he met his wife and married her after a week of dating. They are deeply in love and that maybe if they'd chosen the right person in the first place like he did this wouldn't be happening to them.

I have a coworker that I simply cannot stand. We'll call him Doug. It's hard to know where to start when it comes to describing Doug, but I'll try.

For starters, there is Doug's hygiene. Before I started with the company, they were operating out of a much smaller workspace, and from what I hear, the guy who sat next to Doug actually had to go a supervisor and talk to him about how bad Doug smelled, between the B.O. and the farting. Now we're in a bigger office, but even so, the two people who sit closest to him keep fans on their desks to redirect the smell. I could not make this up.

He has long hair that is washed approximately once a week, from the looks of it. It's always pulled back in a greasy ponytail. His chair and his keyboard are literally coated in dandruff. I looked at his keyboard one day and couldn't believe it. He doesn't shave often enough, so he's always got major stubble, and his fingernails are black underneath from dirt. He's also probably a good 100 pounds overweight, which is his own choice and not really my problem in and of itself, but his clothing does not fit. He's got an enormous gut, and his button down shirts gape in the front and expose it. He also chooses to wear his pants under the gut, rather than over it, which results in dangerously low-riding pants and glimpses of his ass crack way more often than I care to think about. I just find it hard to believe, and a little sad, that someone has so little concern for hygiene and appearances.

I have never met a more loathsome, disgusting or annoying person than my boss. He's the CEO of a very small commercial real estate company in Sacramento, and there are only about 6 of us in the office. I've been here for 2.5 years as his "executive assistant" which is basically just a glorified word processor and personal shopper.

He is 40 years old and he does not know how to operate a computer. He refuses to learn anything, so I print off all his emails (they come into my Inbox), and give them to him, and he handwrites his responses on them and returns them to me to type. He dictates all his emails, letters, faxes, memos, leases, purchase agreements, everything on tapes which he also belches on, slurps his drinks and smacks while eating or sucking on candy. He calls employees at all hours - for example, he's called me on weekends to ask where his favorite pen was, how to turn the computer on and plug in his iPod to charge it, and if I sent a certain email to so-and-so. He called me once when I traveled cross country to attend a funeral to ask me to bring nectarines into the office when I returned. He has me order everything online for him from underwear to socks to Viagra to plants for his many, many whorish women. Everyone seems to think he's gay but yet he manages to hook up with all these slutty women who only want him for his money (he's got huge ears, beady eyes and greasy skin). He truly is very socially awkward and tries making jokes that are at about a 3rd grade level, such as yesterday when my back hurt he said "If I kick you in the shin will it help?" Who says that?

Furthermore, we have a revolving staff of receptionists because they can each only take the belittling, degrading treatment from him for so long. I've hung in there for the money, but thank God, my last day is in 2 weeks. He makes his personal life known, as if ANYONE cares, such as last year when he knocked up a girl and then dumped her when she wouldn't get an abortion. One day I came in and had to type up his child support agreement. He has me email all his sluts with things like "Candy Shorts, when will I see you? Let's have a threesome next weekend. Bring the 'party favors.'" No, I'm not kidding.

I do not simply hate my co-worker Tom, I loathe him. We work in a bank together and he seems to think it's funny to make my life a living hell. Although we are the same age, he will actually revert back to grade school and say things to our manager like "Who do you like better, me or Becky?" He also loves to talk about how much of a bonus payout he gets from referring friends to the bank to open checking accounts. He makes it seem like the bank would be nothing without him bringing in business, but what's truly funny is, his friends close their accounts within two weeks.

On top of this, Tom burps in our faces, makes fun of the way people look (apparently I look too skinny and probably throw up all my meals or don't eat at all, according to him) and calls myself and the other women "stupid fucking morons" behind our backs. Once when I was helping a customer, Tom stepped in, called a banker and take them from me in order to get referral points-even though it wasn't his customer and he had one of his own.

He also loves to call me a racist and tells everyone I hate Mexicans (he is Mexican) even though I am friends with the other Mexican people who work there. He claims I am a Nazi who wants to kill his people, despite the fact that I am made up of mixed race myself and get along fine with my other co-workers. He has even once talked to me about how ignorant I am for not speaking Polish and how I need lessons in speaking my "native language", then was unable to pronounce my last name...which is actually a common polish surname where I live. He also likes getting in my way, poking me, and crying out that I've infected him with my germs, and sitting at my favorite spot...simply because he knows I love to sit there and for no reason other than that. That's ok though, because as soon as I put my two weeks notice in, I'm speed dialing HR and I'll give him a firing to remember!

Back during the last gasp of the dot com era, the company I worked for hired a very pricey "Program Manager", even though the company was bleeding money, she appeared to know nothing about the Web or how software worked or how humans worked. She was in the office for about 2 months before rumors started circulating about layoffs. The official management position was that we were as lean as we could be without compromising customer support.

One Friday morning, I come into work and see that I've been invited to a meeting at 11:00AM. I go into the meeting along with the rest of the office and this Program Manager comes into the room. She's all smiles and energy and I'm thinking "hey, maybe we get to find out what this woman actually does."

She says "Hi, my name is E.C., and if you have not met me yet (which none of us had), I'm the Program Manager for the US office. The reason why I've called this meeting is to tell you that if you are here in this room, you still have a job."